When a dark cloud comes over your life, the key to not getting caught in it with potentially negative effects is to be prepared. Just like having an umbrella for the rain, or a pair of gloves for the cold, when a challenge or obstacle appears to disrupt our routine, we want to be ready for it. This is where self-coaching can be an essential tool.

To take care of yourself during a difficult time, you’ll need to keep your priorities straight.  Staying mentally and physically healthy is always on the top of the list, along with gathering support for yourself in its various different forms. And in order to keep these priorities clear and at the top of your list, there are a few simple questions – four essential ones, to be specific – that you can ask yourself in order to remain resilient and hopeful. Although simply pondering them may already offer some help through new perspectives and ideas (and a bit of self-reflection), studies have shown that using a journal and writing down your thoughts and feelings around whatever answers may come up as you respond to these types of questions can be very helpful. Curious to know what these questions are? Read on to find out!

1. What are the benefits of this challenging time?

This might sound like an odd place to start, but research on people with high-hope suggests that giving yourself another way to look at a situation may be the best first step you can take. The current challenging time has presented an opportunity to pause, reflect and grow. Pausing to take stock of what you need to learn, let go of, or keep—and importantly, ask yourself what opportunities there are for you to do something differently? Thinking of the benefits in this way will help you gain clarity and purpose, as well as develop resilience and strength to navigate through the challenging period. With this newfound clarity, you will be able to recognize the opportunities and potential that this challenging time has to offer. You will also be able to take action and create positive change in your life – and taking action is what can ultimately transform it into a time of growth, self-discovery, and personal development.

2. How can I use this time to become a better version of myself?

Once you’ve done the deep dive into what potential might be gained through experiencing this difficult time, it's important to take action, with the hope of becoming a better version of yourself. Spend some time reflecting on how you can use this period to make changes in your life and achieve personal growth. One of the most successful interventions designed around this topic is known as the best possible self (BPS).  

While the current difficulty or setback is pressing on you, it can be a very good time to keep your eye on the prize. Where is it that you are looking to go in life? The BPS is a great way to remind you and realign with your ultimate goals. Here’s how to forge your path there:

Think about a future where the best possible outcome has happened in every area of your life. This includes your career, creative endeavors, academic life, love, relationships, hobbies, health—everything. Think about what would happen in these areas of your life in your best possible future? Don’t hold back. Think about everything working out in the best possible way.  

Once you've done this, then you can create the best possible future self. Here are the steps.

Step 1: Write it all down. As you write everything down, it may be tempting to drift into thinking about the difficulties, setbacks, or obstacles. But this exercise is exclusively about the future—not about the past. Imagine your circumstances changing enough to have a brighter future unfold for you. You are aligning with the best possibility of yourself in the future. State these future possibilities as if they have already taken place. For example, instead of "My school loans will be paid off," a better statement is: "My loans are paid off, and I just had a party with all my friends and family to celebrate that." 

Step 2: Make it specific. Specific instances will work better than vague ones. Instead of “I have a better job” think about who you would work with, where, how much money you'd be making, and what you would be doing. Go for the specific feeling you will have when you achieve what you want.

Step 3: Write this down and review it often. When needed, update it so it is fresh and current with your life.

Once you’ve done this, you’ll have been able to realign yourself with the right mindset and a proactive approach, you can make the most of this difficult time and come out stronger and wiser on the other side.

3. What resources do I have available to me during this difficult period?

During this challenging period, it can be difficult to know what resources are available to you and what steps to take to make the best of the situation. Once you’ve done a BPS, it can give you clarity and focus on how to move forward. It reestablishes your priorities, which in turn can help you better allocate your time and resources. Knowing what resources are available to you and how to use them effectively can help you make more informed decisions and get the most out of them. At this level, we are talking about what makes you resilient. 

Research on resilience suggests that there are two components to it. The first part is understanding what you need to do. But more importantly, the second part is what you can do. These may not be the same things and it is important to stay focused on what you can do in the situation. As an example, imagine the lease on your apartment is up and you have to move, but don’t have the money. What you ultimately need to do is move out and get your own place, but in the meantime what you can do is stay with a friend who has offered to take you in while you look for an affordable place. Understanding what resources are available to you contributes to your plan of action.  

4. What lessons can be learned from this experience? 

It's also essential to remember that no matter how difficult a situation is, it can still be used as a learning experience that can be used to grow and develop. As you manage a difficulty, it is important to review the learning that can be extracted from the experience.  How might you prepare yourself for the future knowing what you had to do to cope with the situation? Crafting a well-informed plan that uses the situation as a learning opportunity not only helps you better prepare for the future, it allows you to move through the difficulty with greater ease.

Ultimately, taking the time to reflect on your current situation, and asking yourself essential questions will help you face any challenge with strength, resilience, optimism, and most importantly, hope.

With the right mindset, any challenge can become an opportunity to grow. Remember, every stage of growth is preceded and facilitated by a struggle. The chick doesn’t get out of the egg by pulling down a zipper and stepping out: it must hammer through the shell until there is a crack and an opening. The same is true for us—we need challenges to grow. So the next time you’re faced with a tough challenge or obstacle in your life, think of ways you can use this experience to your advantage and work towards a positive result. By taking the time to ask yourself these essential questions, you can gain the clarity and insight needed to face any challenge with an emphasis on not just bouncing back—but bouncing forward.

Written by Dr. Dan Tomasulo, an American psychologist, writer, and professor, and the Academic Director and core faculty at the Spirituality Mind Body Institute, Teachers College, Columbia University, New York. He is the author of Learned Hopefulness: The Power of Positivity to Overcome Depression. Dan’s passion is positive psychology and the science of happiness, helping people focus on their strengths and cultivating their best selves so they can lead meaningful and fulfilling lives.

All of the content on our website is thoroughly researched to ensure that the information shared is evidence-based. For more information, please visit the academic journals that influenced this article: The End Of Trauma: How The New Science Of Resilience Is Changing How We Think About Ptsd; Journaling: Identification Of Challenges And Reflection On Strategies; The Best Possible Selves Intervention: A Review Of The Literature To Evaluate Efficacy And Guide Future Research; Manipulating Optimism: Can Imagining A Best Possible Self Be Used To Increase Positive Future Expectancies?; The Power Of Positivity To Overcome Depression.