When we think about relationships, it can often be more outward looking. It’s rare for us to first look within. But there’s great value in the age-old musings of “If you don’t love yourself first, how do you expect someone else to love you?”

This isn’t about narcissism. This is self-preservation, self-esteem, and self-love.

Putting yourself first has incredible benefits. Prioritizing your own needs better equips you to handle life's challenges and gives you more scope to offer your best to others. But many of us struggle to put ourselves first – perhaps a result of our empathy, sympathy, or a diminished sense of self-worth – often prioritizing the needs of others before our own.

Self-love – accepting and valuing yourself, flaws and all, and treating yourself with kindness, respect, and compassion– however, could actually be considered essential to well-being. And by following a few simple steps, you can begin to prioritize yourself and live a happier, healthier life and discover why being your own best friend first is the best approach to finding overall happiness. 

1. Identify Your Needs

The first step in putting yourself first is to identify your needs. Take some time to reflect on what makes you happy, what energizes you, and what drains you. What activities do you enjoy doing? What makes you feel fulfilled? Once you have a clear understanding of your needs, it becomes easier to prioritize them. And be sure to speak to yourself in language that is positive and encouraging. Avoid negative self-talk that focuses on your shortcomings or mistakes. Instead, focus on your strengths and positive qualities.

2. Set Boundaries and Say “No”

It's important to learn how to say "No" when you need to, without feeling guilty or selfish. This means setting boundaries around your time, energy, and resources, and being clear about what you can and cannot do. It’s not always easy to refuse, but it is a critical part of putting yourself first. Saying "Yes" to everything can quickly lead to burnout and overwhelm. When someone asks you to do something, take a moment to evaluate whether it aligns with your needs, values, and goals. If it doesn't, it is absolutely okay to decline.

3. Practice Self-Care

It might go without saying, but self-care is crucial when it comes to putting yourself first. This means taking care of your physical, emotional, and mental well-being. It could be as simple as taking a relaxing bath or going for a walk in nature. Or it could be practicing mindfulness, getting enough sleep, or eating a healthy diet. Whatever self-care looks like for you, make it a priority. It will naturally flow to you making time for yourself which affords you a greater opportunity to do the things that make you happy, recharge your batteries, and reflect on your goals and values.

Try a Deep Self-Love Moment body scan-style meditation if you’re looking for help connecting with yourself more deeply, and embracing more self-love, self-worth, and greater self-esteem.

4. Prioritize Your Goals 
It would be remiss to discuss putting yourself first without drawing attention to the importance of prioritizing your goals. Take some time to identify your long-term goals and break them down into smaller, achievable steps. Then, make a plan to work towards these goals and make them a great consideration in your daily life. But also be mindful of not being too hard on yourself if you don’t attain those goals within your self-imposed time frame. Give yourself a break. Just like you would forgive a friend, forgive yourself when you make mistakes – even if that’s simply not reaching your goal. Learn from your mistakes, but don't dwell on them.

5. Surround Yourself with Positive People
Even a self-love journey can be better with friends, and certainly easier with support. Seek out friends and family who support your goals and values and who uplift and inspire you. Surrounding yourself with positive people can help you stay motivated and focused on your goals. This also has the power to help you cultivate a positive mindset. By practicing gratitude, optimism, and positivity, you can find the good in situations and people, and focus on what you are grateful for in your life.

The Benefits Summarized

Learning to treat yourself with kindness has measurable results. From improved self-esteem and increased resilience to better mental and physical health, and stronger relationships with increased happiness, self-love is a key ingredient. 

In essence, when we practice self-love, we develop a positive self-image and an overall sense of self-worth, and we are more likely to learn from our mistakes. When we love ourselves, we are quite simply better equipped to love others. Remember that self-care and self-love are not one-time events but ongoing practices. Start small and be consistent, and you will reap the benefits of putting yourself first.
 

Need more guidance? Sign up for the Holistic Self-Care Course with Darlene Marshall and start developing a better relationship with yourself!
 

All of the content on our website is thoroughly researched to ensure that the information shared is evidence-based. For more information, please visit the academic journals and other resources that influenced this article: The Science of Self-Love: the Evidence-Based Benefits of Loving Yourself; US Medical Students Who Engage in Self-Care Report Less Stress and Higher Quality of Life; The Role of Self-Care Activities in Depression; Self-Care Isn’t Just Good For You – It’s Also Good For Your Productivity; Exploring the Meaning and Practice of Self-Care Among Palliative Care Nurses and Doctors